Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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