life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
