You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
