I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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