Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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