He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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