I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
