i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
