Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
