a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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