I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
