If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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