Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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