Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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