Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
