she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
