I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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