would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
