Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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