Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
