It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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