Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
