So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
