the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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