I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Come on in and take your pants off
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