i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
