Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
