Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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