saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
