i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
