I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
