I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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