meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
