Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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