I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
