I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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