Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
