Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
