I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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