oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
now i know why i became what i already was.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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