At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
