At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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