In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
