this is something i pride myself on being below average for
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
