We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
