so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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