i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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