dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
