Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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