i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
