phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
