ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
