whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
