I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
