is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
