i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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