I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
