I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
