I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
