I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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